Tucson Wants to be Phoenix Right Down to Roadrunner Name

Dear Tucson,

It’s us, Phoenix. We need to talk. Look, we realize that you have always looked at us the way a little brother looks at a big brother.  We’re flattered but we need to draw a line somewhere and that place and time is now.

Younger siblings always want to emulate their older siblings. It’s inevitable. We imagine that’s why you want to name your minor league hockey team the Roadrunners. Or maybe it was the fact fans voted and a Phoenix based group helped with the naming. Whatever the reasoning, it’s just not right.

Some things are sacred. The Roadrunners moniker belongs to Phoenix. It’s stitched into the fabric of our sports’ culture. As a matter of fact, they were our second professional franchise and called the city home for 30+ years. It’s probably the name that the Coyotes, the parent club of your newest franchise, should have been called upon their arrival in the Valley.

Let’s put it in terms you can respect. It’s like if we announced our newest team would be called the Phoenix Toros or heck the Phoenix Wildcats. Those things are synonymous with your city. We’d be impeding on your territory. We’d be insulting you the way Fredo insulted Michael by going against the family.

Even by cartoon logic — which we think is always the best argument to make — it doesn’t make sense. The Roadrunner and the Coyote didn’t get along. They were mortal enemies. Not exactly the tone you want set for a parent club and minor league club relationship. Although, it is pretty analogous to our relationship.

We understand that you’re starved for professional sports. It’s been two years since the Padres left you for El Paso, Texas. That’s like losing your significant other to someone 40 years older than you in a significantly lower tax bracket with a slight drug problem. We’re excited you’re back in the game. It’s better for our relationship when you’re into what we like too.

Fine, we get it, compromise in any sibling rivalry is good. And like any good big brother, we’re willing to share. So take our hand-me-down but with a few conditions.

1) Honor the history behind it. This is something very special to us. Make sure to treat it as such. Honor the ones that came before you and who wore the Roadrunner name proudly. Heck, maybe even invite Al McCoy, the voice of the Suns and original Roadrunners play-by-play guy, to call a game during the season. It’d be a nice touch.

2) Take care of it. We care about the name Roadrunners so don’t mess it up. Don’t let them become like the Padres or the Sidewinders before them or any of the other minor league teams to call your city home. If we find out they’re moving to Prescott Valley or worse, freaking El Paso, there’s going to be hell to pay.
Think you can do that? Alright, we have a deal.

We don’t say it much, but you’re our sibling and we care about you. Like any sibling relationship, we can talk crap about you, but if anyone else outside of our Arizona family does, they’ll answer to us.

So follow our two guidelines, take care of the Roadrunners and we’ll see you in November. Yeah, just because we’ve found common ground doesn’t mean the Territorial Cup changes.

Love,

Phoenix